Sagging Asses

Dear Gwyneth,
Yesterday I happened to see your GOOP post mentioned on E!, the one that features Tracy Anderson's workout methods. Firstly, I find it very hard to believe you ever had a saggy ass, but kudos to you for putting that possibility out there. Also, thanks for reminding me that my food choices today were absolutely out of control. I read everyone else's goal, and it is motivating me to get my eating habits in line with my workout habits, which have actually been decent lately. My sweet tooth is what is out of control. If you come to our dinner, you can bet your no-longer-saggy-ass that there will be dessert. And it. will. be. delicious.

So here's to engaging in the enemy...



in moderation...of course!

Stay tuned for recipes and possible options for May!

xoxox

K

Dear Gwyneth,
Happy Valentines Day! Hope you get to spend it with the ones you love most!

As a single gal, this is supposed to be a dreaded holiday spent hating on love in one way or another. Though I tend to think we should show our loved ones how much we care regularly, I don't have a problem with giving one of the greatest forces on the planet its own day. But, and brace yourself because this is about to take a selfish turn, there are many types of love and in addition to showing your friends, family, and possibly that crush or significant other some tlc, there is also love for yourself. If you don't have a valentine, if you are lonely, don't beat yourself up, or try to stuff down your emotions with your weight in Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream...or banana bread (but damn, it's good isn't it?). You have to keep taking care and loving yourself, because you deserve it. Go for a run, help someone out, do something that makes you feel amazing. I don't mean to sound self-righteous. Given that I am not sure anyone out there even reads this, it is mostly as a reminder to me. This is what I told myself today as I polished off a loaf of chocolate chip banana bread in less than a 24 hour period.

Earlier this week, my best friend sent me along an email with this clip of the editorial from last month's Glamour by Eve Ensler (as part of her new book: I am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World). I have been thinking about it all week. I think it could also apply to men sometimes as well. Made me think of all this pressure society puts on us, and that we put on ourselves, which can weigh us down and perpetuate negative stories we keep telling ourselves. Enough is enough. Take some direction, control, initiative and love back. Own every part of you.



Stay brave lovelies, and watch out for that banana bread. It's dangerous!

Dear Gwyneth Paltrow...

Hereafter I will have to title this blog "Dear Gwyneth Paltrow..." Creepy? Perhaps a little. I won't pretend I wouldn't be just a little suspicious of a blog addressed to me, however I promise that this is completely on the up and up. You will not find me traipsing about your property like a lunatic. I simply want to extend an invitation to a dinner party with my friends and I in London in late May.

Let me explain...no, there is too much, let me sum up (dare you to name that line):

1. I have been working on a list of things to do before I die, inspired by the boys on the "Buried Life" (MTV). My best friend is also completing one.
2. Item number 37 is: cook dinner for a celebrity
3. I have recently bought a ticket to London (my first visit) with my girlfriends in May.
4. I have been on a "Spain...on the Road Again" kick a la Netflix. I called Spain home for a year of my life in college, and is continues to influence who I am, and what I do (professionally/personally). Clearly I found this documentary series totally amazing and embodiment of some of my favorite things: travel, food, wine, good company. Batali and Paltrow are phenomenal, down to earth, and funny (Bossols and Bitty are great in their own right as well). By the way, driving around Spain in a Mercedes convertible is item number 5 on the list. http://www.spainontheroadagain.com/

Hence, a brilliant idea was born during the last episode of "Spain...on the Road Again". Why not try to check an item off the list while in London...by cooking Gwyneth Paltrow a meal...A bit ambitious, I realize. But why not ask? So there you have it.

What do you say Ms. Paltrow? If you feel like bringing Mario or other guests that is fine by me!

I will be practicing some recipes just in case.

xoxox

Kristen

MAKE BIG PLANS

Make big plans. Aim high in hope and work. - Daniel H. Burnham

Las night I got dressed and left early to work out before heading to a free movie in Millennium Park. I got all the way down to the dressing room, proud that after two and a half weeks of gluttony and sloth I was finally going to squash my vices and go work out! Fail. I forgot my effing lock. Dammit!

No matter. I was excited to take advantage of yet another free event in the park this year. It is so cool for August. 40s and 50s at night...what. the. hell. Anyway, I will jump at any chance to hold on to the fleeting fancy that is summer in Chicago.

I had no idea what this movie was about. I really didn't care. It wasn't until I arrived a few minutes before I was to meet Nina that I picked up the program. No Little Plans: Daniel Burnham and the American City, a documentary bout the history of this visionary architect and how he transformed Chicago, Washington, D.C., and countless other cities at the turn of the 20th century. This name should have rung a bell as I've taken architecture and city tours of Chicago before. But it didn't. I know. Documentaries sometimes have the rap (wrap?...you will find I am not a conscientious speller), but I was fascinated by Chicago history and inspired.

He knew how this city should be. He knew it would be great, that someday we would grow into it, even if people were critical or unsure. Despite it all, he worked hard to have many different projects realized during his lifetime. He aspired to be the best in the city, in the world, and he took a driven, persistent, and hard working attitude that ultimately helped him meet that goal.

I walked away completely in love. In love with Chicago. HOW CAN YOU NOT BE IN LOVE WITH THIS CITY!?!?!

It is completely beautiful! And it is SO alive...at least when the bitter cold, wind, and snow isn't numbing our souls and gnawing away at our conviction to this city. (Even then, somehow Chicagoans are resilient enough to endure season after season, even managing to go out every now and then. Alcohol is typically involved. Purely to keep warm, of course.)

Anyway, my point! My point is, I love this city, and being young here, and I am so grateful to be here to enjoy it. And that might not always be the case, me being here to enjoy it....If I am dreaming big, I know that this city will not always be able to contain me or my pursuits. But I have to be brave enough to do this. Why the hell not? It is going to take hard work, commitment, consistency and persistence...These might not all be my strong suits. But I can do it. Certainly.

Just yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed with my plans, work, and juggling all the elements of life. But I have hope. Never mind my failed work out(s). Or whatever else is still left on that to-do list, today is a brand new day.

One last quote from Burnham:
Make no little plans...they have no magic to stir mens blood.

is that a wink or an eye twitch?

So, apparently I am already bad at this whole documenting business. So far, you have missed a week of 25. I will try not to bore you to death with too much detail, but some interesting stuff did happen.

So, overall it was a pretty good day, my birthday....my coworker made me a delicious cookie cake (which normally I find a little gross, but this one had oatmeal, chocolate chips and, they key: peanut butter chips. mmmm.), my mom sent me flowers, my best friend was flying in and others were planning seafood feast! But, a couple of things got to me: the fact that a friend and recent graduate totally snubbed a job opportunity at my organization (the same position I started out there) because of the pay, the fact that I stained the glorious fuscia dress I was wearing at lunch, and when I went to slip on my favorite go to skirt, realized it was also stained and that the outfit looked like I was about to play tennis BUT had to wear anyway because it was the only suitable thing for a fancy restaurant, one of my "good" friends from college bailed on dinner which left me with my good friend Nina and two other girls who I mostly know through Nina and are not very close to. I felt like I was not going to my birthday party but someone else's. I wanted to cry. As I walked to the restaurant, I tried to hold back the tears. Even as I sat waiting for everyone to show, I was sucking it up. And then Nina arrived with a gift. A book that she had been introduced to by coincidence on a trash bin in an alley. When God Winks: It's a book about signs, or "god winks" from your destiny, God, fate, whatever that higher power might be. I didn't tell her then, but that in itself was a sign. It's going to be ok...

The next day I embarked on a small road trip with my best friend Anne complete with a 25 mix CD. We drove west to visit her family on the edge of Illinois. She is so thoughtful. WE EVEN DID A CHINESE FIRE DRILL SO I COULD DRIVE! I don't care how old you are, fire drills are small thrills in life, and should be done sporadically throughout life! Anne also gave me a necklace, a wishbone.
I know this is not exactly the way you thought it would be right now, and that's ok- life is a story, you can't open in the middle and start reading. I thought this gift would be fitting, not because you need luck or wishes. i wanted to remind you that you always MAKE your wishes, your dreams, your aspirations come true. You get to be whatever you want- so get to it!

I know she was worried because her family can be intense, they are notorious for it, but it was fun. We even visited her great aunt who is known as kind of an old bitch (I promise I am not being mean, this is how they refer to her). Well, she might be kind of a bitch, but in a way I can appreciate. She is fiesty and still quite cognizant of what is going on around her, and of her health (she has cancer). Everyone should have at least a little bit of her in them.

These b-day festivities were linked by a common thread: seizing opportunities life throws at you to create change in your life. If I want something, I have to do it, and I should not let other people affect my dreams or their transition to reality. I have to stop being a victim. It doesn't matter if I make mistakes, I can get back on track, but I have to try.

I think the first step is thinking about what I really want. That is one of the steps in this book. It is such a hard question. Maybe it isn't for some people, but it is for me. My little road trip only reinforced the battle that I feel is going on. Two very different dreams, battling it out. One is to make roots, to settle down, find a man, perhaps get another job in the city or perhaps far from the city and enjoy friends and family, while growing one of my own. On the other side is a the dream to pack my things and take flight. To travel, and take me wherever the wind blows, with a vague idea of return. I want both. But do I get to have both? If I go for door number 2, does that mean I may not get a chance at door number one. Is it worth it to me? Does it really matter?

I think an easier question for me to answer is: who do you want to be? I feel like, if I can be who I want to be, the rest will just fall into place. So here goes...
I want to be:
a good friend
thoughtful
honest
reliable
trustworthy
a hard worker
giving
taking
open
put-together
financially secure
fit
confident
bold
in the moment
a listener
cultured and knowledgable
fluent in Spanish (and any other language I can manage)
comfortable in my own skin
passionate
fearless
kind

Maybe I cannot be all of these things at once...and maybe I cannot be these things without pursuing one of these dreams first, but I can try. I can try all the time to be the best me, and I can never be at fault for trying.

As i was reading the book, it suggested you go back and look at the turning points in your life in order to look for god winks. I've long been aware of signs, though I have sometimes deliberately ignored them, but I decided to search through my journal to look for any others i might have missed. In doing so, I think I got a wink? A twitch?

5/18/04
I have anxiety about something and I don't know what...well, actually it could be a lot of things like: exercising, overeating...watching Sex and the City and being afraid that I will be single at 35 plus, but without wonderful sort of single friends to support me; or could it be that N is thinking about not studying abroad the whole year next year, which means I am the only one doing it...which cares me. The whole thing scares me, because I'll have no safety net, just me trying to figure it all out. But I didn't feel like this ALL weekend. Saturday i had a moment of clarity, a moment with God. My heart was about to burst with the excitement of discovering what God has in store for me in Spain...

6/30/04
...Watching the movie and Sex and the City after made me really want to be kissed- long and hard, and I really wish a guy could see that...my lips have "Kiss me! Kiss me! Kiss me! NOW!" written all over them! but I guess they aren't mind readers. One day. Maybe...Someday soon! (keep your fingers crossed)

7/20/04
Today I packed up a lot of stuff in my room- my posters, pictures, etc. it's amazing how bare naked and starile my room looks now. It's just not my room anymore. It makes me kind of sad, anxious about the future, scared and happy. After 20 years, I will be leaving my family and friends for a life in Spain- only for year though. I know it'll be amazing and wonderful, I hope to learn a lot about many things, but I can't pretend I won't miss all the good stuff here. But I have to do this. I want to do this. It'll be a great self-challenge....fun, studying, travel, whatever....are on the agenda for the next...forever...I guess.

Little did I know that all I wanted an more was about to happen. I saw many signs (chose to ignore some) and learned so much about myself. That year jilted me. And I have a feeling it is about to happen again. I have a good feeling, everything is going to be alright, and I am on the right track. According to SQuire Rushnell, this all equals a "God wink". Whatever you want to call it, it makes me excited and fills me with a "let me at 'em" attitude.

Farewell 24...

I have thought about my 25th birthday for quite some time. The truth is, I love birthdays, I live for birthdays! Ok, perhaps that is an exaggeration, but I do love them. Usually, I dream about what I want to do months in advance, and like to extend the celebration as long as everyone will allow me. Birthdays are fun, even if they are not mine. At work I am the self-proclaimed Birthday Committee dedicated to baking the birthday cake of everyone in my department and making their day a good one, despite the fact that they would probably rather spend their birthday elsewhere.

This birthday, however, arrived with some anxiety and less excitement than others. I will be 25. 25. 20 plus 5. I don't feel ready to be this old. What the hell have I done in the last 5 years? I graduated college, I've traveled, I've joined the 9-5ers in the city. But why does it feel like it's not enough?! Why do I still feel like I am not where I am supposed to be? Why do I feel like I am still pretending to be an adult?

In college, I had to take a speech course. One of the speeches we had to do was a phenomenon. At the time I was flipping out because I thought I had to figure out my life and pick a major. (I know. Silly. I was 19 and actually thought picking my major would sort out the rest of my life. Ha.) Well, the phenomenon I chose was the "Quarter-Life Crisis". This is much like a mid-life crisis, except normally occurs to 20-somethings. Writing about the fact that we didn't have to figure it all out, that everyone was muddling through the same stuff, was therapeutic. I changed my major, graduated college and life went on.

I thought I had put my quarter-life crisis behind me. I am just beginning to realize: it never actually left...For some "finding yourself" is actually more like a game of hide and seek. You look all over, try new things, and you find out who you are, and as soon as you find out, it's game over and you start playing again. I found myself at 20 I knew who I was, I loved who I was, I was confident, knew what I wanted from life and was sure I was going to get it. 3 years and one relationship later, I am a single, soon-to-be 25 Chicago gal playing a ridiculously long and exhausting game of hide and seek.

This leads me to the premise of this blog. I want to document my journey through my 25th year. I want this to be my "call to arms", a way to jilt me out of my complacency. I want to kick 25's ass. I want this to be a year of change, a year of hope, positivity, a year to learn a little bit about myself and what I want. I could just do this in a regular journal, like I always have, but I have looked at past entries, and for the most part it is just the same old bullshit. It doesn't help me progress. I am hoping this will hold me accountable.

R.I.P 24. Tomorrow is day one of this epic...